Me:
Yeah, but it tastes like arse
(Not literally) :L

Stuart:
ARSE?!
Om nom nom nom!

Me:
How many arses have you nommed? xD


Ohhh I do loves teh pocket ninja rocket ween0r :L

My nan and her mauve coat collection ;)
"I've had this one for nearly 40 years!"

I look great in a size 22 coat
Honest (A)

Tom has this awesome rug that looks exactly like sheep fur
I picked it up off the floor and wrapped it around myself
"Baaaaaaa!"

I'm such a spaz :)

We also played retard ball and crotch mammoth
:D

Ethan (his 6 year-old brother): "What shouldn't you put in your mouth?"
Me: "Ermm... THIS MICROPHONE!"

Real smoooooth ;D

"I r rock"

Fuck, this made me laugh so much
:D

Me, Emma, Jazz, Jack, Chris, Tilly and Stuart took the long route to Tesco
;)

It started raining quite heavily and all of us got soaked
Well, apart from Jazz because she brought an umbrella with her :L
Clever girl ;)

Then we went to the play park and had a Haribo fight
I rode my cock hard and fast ;D

"I'm Peter Pan"

"No... you're Michael Jackson"

"But I'm Peter Pan in here"
*points to heart*

Sorry, but you're Michael Jackson :L
I agree with the other bloke
;)

Lenny The Wonder Dog
;)

I almost had a breakdown in Tesco when I saw that in the DVD isle :L
Would you spare your last £1 just to buy it? ;)
I wouldn't!

Looked like the SHITTIEST film on earth! :L

Sarah Ward saw Mr. Irwin in Tesco yesterday :)~

Louis Morgan - Wow you must have a boring life for that to be the highlight not just yesterday, but also today :L

So true, Louis ;)

"Is anybody on the system?"

LMFAO! Me and George found this hilarious because our entire class was on the system. Every single person was using a computer, but he asked anyway. What a 'tard :D

Can't even remember what teacher it was!

Yesterday, Emma offered me one of her nuts...
I put it in my mouth an immediately spat it out because it was DISGUSTING!

I told her I didn't like anything spicy and they had a chili coating on them
What a bitch :L

Good times
:)

I was rather amused when Chris got his trouser leg caught on a thorn bush
:D

"Wtf is this fur on my face?"

"Wtf is this face on my face?"

:)

I love mine and Tom's mong duck
;D

It has retarded wings :L

Me and Jack's day in Littleport was amazing.
I really enjoyed myself.
:D

He took me to the woods ;)
I think I officially gave him the LONGEST HUG EVER :L :L
"Jaaaaack? Do you like rabbits?"
I raped him in some really long grass and he thrusted upwards.
FAIL!
I also raped him in a dark alleyway when he was on his bike.
;D

We played Harry Potter in some trees, using a large branch as a wand and a broom :L

I tried to ride his bike (Miles) and I kept crashing into bushes :L
He had to hold the handlebars for me because I was pissed.
I also tried to pedal along with him on the back of the bike...
EPIC FAIL!
We almost died for that tbh :L :L

I bought us both ice lollies because I had a tenner in my pocket :)

Then we went back to my nan's house and had a MASSIVE water fight...
We were running up and down the road, chasing each other.
After that, we went and played in the veranda :)
I taped him to the chair, but he escaped!
I was laiying on him whilst he showed me retarded videos on his phone :D
He shoved my lolly into my mouth and I choked :(
Then my lips were all numb and felt like they were bleeding :L
Dad walked in and was like "RAPE!" but I didn't care because we weren't doing anything :L

Then we spent the next hour in the garden with dad :)

"Why aren't you all rashy?!" LMAO! (L)

"That man's hair looks like a sperm!"

I do love my Tilly (L)
:D

We followed him around the school and laughed at his retarded sperm hair ;)

Gurpal Mameer

Year 7... Me and Patt in French :)

"HOT COCKLET?!"

I don't need to say anymore about that :L

"EEOORR EEEORR EEEORR EEEORRR!" - George's cat whoopin' another cat's ass ;)

Me: "OHHHH YEAAAH! Herbal Essences!"
*Makes orgasm face and rubs hair in a sexual manner*
Mrs Kay: "SARAH! Come here!"

Lol I got well told off for that and had to stand at the front of the class ;D
Ooooh I'm such a naughty girl tehe.

Me and George have had some AMAZING times together.

I really loved sitting next to him in French.
Mr Jackson's dildo box...
Mrs Dewey's "hot beverage" ;)
No wonder Mr Jackson said I had a dirty mind!
I couldn't resist laughing...
:D

(In Australian accent) "You're really nice, you are... you don't give a shit about shit!"
:D

Brendan's actually an amazing person.
He makes me smile so much and doesn't even realise it.

I had such a good english lesson. He was rolling his pen on the table to make a really annoying noise.
xD

Fucking Aussie :L :L

LMAO! When we were in Starbucks a while ago, Jack knocked this rack of things over the counter and it was fucking hilarious! I was just like "you complete 'tard!" He's worse than me sometimes! xD

Wassa lost her balance once and went flying into the wall.

I think I laughed for over 20 minutes solid.

xD It was hilarious!

I remember when I was with Daniel, Rissa, Stephen, Emma and Louis :L

We saw two naked little girls run off into the trees together ;)
HAAAAA and we also found a used condom on the floor.
Louis chased us with it on his stick :L
THEN WE ALL SPANKED EACH OTHER! xD

OMG! Annnnnd...

There was this guy coming along on his mobility scooter...
he crashed straight into a road sign!
LMFAO!
I remember collapsing to the floor, laughing soooo hard ;D
FAIL!
It was all caught up in his wheel and he lost control and almost crashed xD

;D I remember getting attacked by a granny viking in a slide...
Hahahaha Lewis Porter.

That was actually a pretty fun day!
:) He had a scarf and a viking helmet on his head and we laid in the slide together.
Someone filmed the evidence ¬¬ *cough*Emma*cough*
LMAO!

Nan: "What's his surname?"
Me: "Erm... Stevens"
Nan: "Jack Semens?"
Me: *LAUGHS... A LOT*

My nan failed xD

Jack had a bit of a spaz attack in the cinema when we went to see The Hangover.
;D

Basically, what happened was I bought a packet of Mentos...
I put one in my mouth and bit into it, but I hurt my tooth...
So I spat it out on myself.

He found this hilarious (L)
RETARDS TOGETHER! xD

"Turn to page 3 of the reading booklet. Page 3 of the reading booklet. PAGE 3 OF THE READING BOOKLET!"

Mr Cobley to Ryan Millar ;D

I LOVE THE CHILTONATOR! ;)
Ohhh... Donald Chilton
Shittiest teacher EVER!
xD

"STOP YAKKING!" - Mr Chilton
"I like yaks!" - Me and Emma in unison ;)

He let us play spin the bottle!

I remember when I kept tipping Martin's pencil case all over the floor and chucking his stuff around the classroom. Those were fun lessons ;D

I also threw his book out of the window once by accident! It was soooo cool! I wasn't even looking where I was throwing it ;D
He had to go downstairs to get it all by himself :L

"Lewis... why have you got three legs?"

"SHANKY HOO!"
FAIL
Correction: "Skanky Ho!"

Gareth is such a 'tard ;D

"Let's catch all the willies over the rainbow!"
"Muslim flavoured chocolate!"
"I can see all the haggis swimming in the river!"
;D

Primary school with my lovely wifey (L)

"TRAH'ER!"
"HAM!"
"NO!"

Three words that I will never forget ;D

BOOBAGE! ;D

Hedwig! Giwdeh!
Bed buddies!

Lol at my Tommy Tank Engine ;)

"Kiss me, Uncle!"
"Kiss you be blowed!"

Ohhh, Journey's End ;)

I enjoyed acting that out in the playpark with my crewage.
:D

Osborne and Stanhope we're just so damn cool.
We all know that they both bummed Raleigh ;)

"Don't push me! I have macaroons!"

"Owww... my feelings!"

Two of the best quotes on earth ;D

Me and Kathryn were so cool in primary school ;)

We used to be "shed monitors"

Basically, that meant we got to go into lunch early on Mondays, wear bright yellow caps, sit in a shed for an entire lunch time, "look after" the play equipment and draw all over the walls.
xD

Year 8...

ALEX GEORGE FELL OFF HIS CHAIR IN SCIENCE! xD

I almost pissed myself laughing at him.

He was leaning forward on his chair, then all of a sudden, it tipped over and he fell on the floor. Not only that, but he smacked his head on the table! I can remember seeing his blond hair fly through the air ;D

Mr Palmer "Are you guys having a party back there? >:("

:L :L

Sleepover at Jazz's house...
Great night! We stayed up until 4am.
:D

That's the night that me and Emma Googled some "innapropriate" stuff ;)
I think we broke her laptop...

There was also an incident with the "adult" channels on TV...
MILF HOSPITAL! xD

Strawberry Fair was pretty fun.
:D

1) Random hot Irish guy helped us to read the street map
2) I got to meet Jeremy and I was like "OMG YOU'RE HOT!" :L
3) Me and Emma were having competitions on who could get the longest hug from him ;)
4) Jack bought sausage and chips... but he kinda got raped with the sausage
5) Lol at the "bird man" ;) He had this freaky whistle in his mouth
6) BUBBLE FIGHT! I LOVE JACK! Emma had to wash my hair with her watter bottle to get all the foam out of it ;)
7) We bought this balloon and sucked all the helium out of it
8) Lol at Jazz and Rissa... "SUCK MY HOLE!" :L

Emma spoon treatment! it burnss! xD says:
I DO NOT KNOW WHAT YOU ARE TALKING ABOUT.
(R) Saraaaaah says:
OMG IT'S SO OBVIOUS YOU RETAD.
(R) Saraaaaah says:
LOL *REYAD
(R) Saraaaaah says:
*RETAS
(R) Saraaaaah says:
*RTAD
(R) Saraaaaah says:
*REATD
(R) Saraaaaah says:
*REATDR
(R) Saraaaaah says:
*REYATD#
(R) Saraaaaah says:
*REAYDT
(R) Saraaaaah says:
*REYARD
(R) Saraaaaah says:
*RETRD
(R) Saraaaaah says:
*TRAE
(R) Saraaaaah says:
*RETARD

On MSN ;)

(R) Saraaaaah says:
xD FUCK WE'RE COOL!
Emma spoon treatment! it burnss! xD says:
DAMN STRAIGHT!
(R) Saraaaaah says:
LIKE A CURVE!! STRAIGHT AS A CURVE! SENSE! THIS MAKES NONE OF!
Emma spoon treatment! it burnss! xD says:
SENSE?! I HAVE SOME OF THAT IN MY SHED.
(R) Saraaaaah says:
DO YOU MEAN LAWNMOWVER?
Emma spoon treatment! it burnss! xD says:
YES.
Emma spoon treatment! it burnss! xD says:
DARN. I GOT SENSE AND LAWNMOWERS CONFUSED AGAIN

"Do you put condoms in your jam?"
FAIL
Correction: "Is your jam homemade?"

"I'm horny!"
FAIL
Correction: "I'm really hot!"

"I thought you said that a pig entered a child!"
FAIL

Mr Jackson is actually amazing ;D

"Where might you go on holiday? How about a Credit Crunch holiday? When times are hard, you might find yourself camping in Littleport, under a tent!"

"GAH! FORGOT TO WEAR MY BULLET PROOF VEST WHEN I WENT TO LITTLEPORT YESTERDAY! D:"

:L :L :L

OLD AND FEEBLE!
FEEBLE AND OLD!

A conversation in form time:

Caarissa: "Crud!"
Emma: "What is crud, anyway?"
Me: "Isn't it something to do with cows?"
Emma: "That's cud retard!"

We also discovered that Mr Doji had an entire box of tampons...
FAIL! :L :L

I also got to see Emma's Rastafarian peppers :D

"I like ketchup!"
*Smiles insanely*

:D
Moments later, I had it all round my face and had to go to Wilkinson's.

Emma's mum kept taking the piss out of me for trying to buy bum wipes for my face.
THEY WERE THE CHEAPEST THING THERE! xD

Me: "Oooooh! Can I open the ham yet?" xD
Emma: "NO!"

...about an hour later:
Me: "Can I open the ham yet?"
Emma: "FINE!"

So I opened this can of ham... mushed it up...
then I added ketchup, whipped cream, mustard, salsa, coffee... etc.
;D

Everybody felt sick because it smelt so bad.
YAAAAY! xD

I will never understand what inspired Rissa to climb underneath our blow up bed that night...
:L :L :L

Emma had no idea and jumped onto it, crushing her.
I remember the screaming and laughing ;D
FAIL!

Me and Emma went up town together one day because we were both incredibly bored at home.

She brought this pink scooter with her...
Probably meant for children of ages 4-10
:D

She tripped up the path in the Market Square like a complete retard.

I love her!

"I CAN'T COME OUT JUST YET BECAUSE I'M COOKING BACON!"
That was much later on in the day when we invited Jazz to come out too :)

Jazz tripped up the curb at the bottom of Forehill, and I found this hilarious.

In fact, so hilarious that I felt the need to lay on the floor.

It was either that or fall on the floor :L :L

I was in Tesco with my mother last year, doing some shopping...

Within minutes of being in the shop, she had rammed some old lady in the back with a trolly.
I pissed myself laughing.

What a RETARD! xD

"That's a nice firm looking banana you've got there, Kathryn!"

Ohhh... why don't teachers ever understand what they're saying?
Miss Nuttgens failed ;D

I must admit that it was a good drawing
;)

I very much enjoyed playing "tent" games with the wife.
:D

It's amazing what you'll do in the early hours of the morning.
She got completely violated ;)

Me, mum and dad were playing tennis in the garden.

I throw the ball at mum... she somehow manages to catch it in her arse.

Say no more.

I laughed... a lot.
xD

"Stephen Hawking only uses one muscle in his face to talk"
"He must get quite some work out!"
"Hell yeah!"
"Imagine if he had a little six pack on his face!"
*Laughs hysterically*

Me and Charlie ;)

French isn't all that bad :L

"Put your left boob on green and your right boob on red! Teeth on yellow!"
Me and Richard playing Twister.
:D

Me and Jack in Littleport.
:)

I was wearing my nan's size 22 jumper because I was cold and I attached myself to a tree with it.
I do believe it's my called ID on his phone.
:D

He begged me to ride Miles (his bike)
It was pretty awesome.

We went and played in the veranda for a while and I was showing him naked baby pictures of me (only because I was slightly tipsy)
Then I tried to tape him to a chair.
KINKY ;)

He threw a tennis ball in my face! :L

Me and my dad in Cambridge:

AGRESSIVE PASTIES! AAAARGH!

"So, are donkeys stupid then?" - Me
"They must be if a horse raped them!" - Dad

"Hey look! It's Charles I!" - Dad
"What?" - Me
"Look at that bloke over there. *Points out of the window* It's Charles I!" - Dad
"Um... OK then. If you say so, dad." - Me

"How is it called when you shit all the time?"
:D

Back in the days when me and Adam were friends.

"Hello?
Is it me you're looking for?
I can see it in your car.
I can see it in your registration number!"

All those weird Polish cartoons that we watched together.
"HARDER HARDER HARDER!"
*Boobs fall off*
*Cat comes in and steals them*
"MIAAOW!"

He pushed me into so many trees. It was great.

KATHRYN GOT SHAT ON BY A BIRD!
It was break time in year 8, and we were all standing outside the Needhams block, eating our snacks. All of a sudden, there was this huge splat on Kathryn's head.
:L

I don't need to say anymore. It was on Jess' face and my jumper.
I feel bad for Kathryn though... it had berries in it and everything.
That was one huuuuge fucking bird!

I sat all the way through drama, laughing my head off until I cried.
I think Mr Sills was getting annoyed
;)

In year 7, when we were about to leave the lunch hall, Kathryn got trampled on.
LMAO!

She was laying there, reaching out to me.
I just stood there in stitches as she got crushed by the people desperate to get out to lunch.
She was begging for help, but I kept on laughing.

I don't care how much she denies it, that is the story.
;)

"You too are a raper!"
"When was the last time that you had sex with anybody? That was an evil occasion wasn't it?"
"You're a shithouse!"
"They're about molesting youngboys!"
*Jumps up and down*

I love you Geoffrey Leonard.
The most crazy Australian paedohile that I know.
:D

Me and Emma made character cards in science one morning and played with them.

":'( I can't *twitch* find my *twitch* melon!"
"There's an icecream man in the toilets and he... OOOOH A YELLOW BUG!"
REVERSE BIRTH!

2 LITRE COKE BOTTLES ;)
Regurgitation of mango passionfruit juice from Starbucks
Long straws!

Me: "I'm choking on my own spit!"
Tom: "Don't drown!" *throws float*
Me: "Huh?" *chokes*
Tom: "TAKE THE FLOAT!"
Sarah: *takes the float*
:)

*Slips on plastic bottle in the road* :L
FAIL

Shopping List: 1 large melon, a packet of ribbed condoms, a can of whipped cream, a dummy, a Madonna CD, a cucumber, some tingling lube and a wheelchair.

WE LOVE KATE!
"I'll tell you what... if you rub sun cream on her... and get your hands back.... you win!"
;)

I love Tom :)

Sweaty Gooch with her Smeggy Smee!

Oh, I do love Kathryn.

I have to admit, that was one amazing ICT lesson.

Emma pushed me over the wobbly bridge in year 3, then we had to "sort things out" in front of our whole class. It was rather embarrassing, but a memory that I will always treasure. Emma's face was priceless and the bruise on my arse lasted for weeks.
;)

Mrs Harris was a sexy beast with her "plaastic" :L

I remember one of the first times that I met up with Jack.

We walked all the way round Ely together.
"It is your birthday! You will celebrate or you will be exterminated... exterminated!"
*Drops pound coin under shelf in WHSmith*
He spent ages trying to find it, but failed miserably. Mainly because we were laughing so much over the Doctor Who birthday card. Then he bought a tub of Oreos and kept trying to make me eat them.

We also walked alongside the river, then we took the long route to Tesco and got stuck in a main road and almost got run over. We went to the cooked meats isle and laughed at all the ham. I managed to spot a toothpaste called RetarDEX, which I found hilarious.

Good times :)
I love Jack